THE CROSS
I
wrote this chapter during Good
Friday. My younger brother and I went to church at 3 PM and I was honestly
amazed of the rituals or let us say the procedure of the liturgical
celebration. It was my first time for my entire 27 years in this world to
experience the said celebration. I was so shocked! Why? Because it was the
first time that I attended a celebration where there was no entrance song. It
started when everybody kneels. When the priests, the lay ministers, the
psalmists, and the knights of the altar reached at the altar, they sat, then bent
and kissed the floor for a minute or two. I also observed that the center of
the celebration is the cross, giving respect with the cross as a symbol of our
salvation.
I was reminded with the cross of our
LORD. Indeed the cross that was carried
by Jesus Christ was too heavy. I imagine if I was the one carrying that load I
might say, “Oh, no!!!” One, two , three or four steps… I am sure I will fall
and could not stand.
We know in the scene that there were people who mocked
and whipped at Jesus. There were also who lamented with what Jesus had
experienced. HE did that because of His undying love. Have you seen the movie
“The Passion of The Christ”? That was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. It
depicted the life and the suffering of Jesus Christ. I, myself could ask, “Can
I also do that?” For me? Mmmm…We can!!! Little by little we could experience
the suffering of the Lord in different ways. If we are just sensitive with His
calling “to serve”, you and I could imagine at first that life is very
difficult. But No, No, No!!! Like Jesus Christ, who was tasked by His Father to
save our sins and to put into our heart His love and faithfulness, we can also do
the said task. Thus, if you witnessed that the task of Jesus was difficult, I
tell you that it was easy for Him though He undergone the sufferings, pains and
insults. The plain reason is He accepted the instructions of His Father. He
believed with His Father. He did it with compassion, love and focus. And now what is the result? He was successful
of saving our sins. He was triumphant of instilling into our hearts His
faithfulness! My brothers and sisters He won the race as well with
perseverance! That’s why conscience keeps on bothering us if we do either small
sins or big sins. I believe God continually working in our hearts but we are just
so hard. We are just closing our hearts of His wisdoms that guide us. And what
happened to us? We ended up blaming God in the end… But why not blaming
ourselves? Why not start with ourselves anew!
Brothers and sisters, I would like to
tell you another story of my life. This is about the mistakes that I have done
and the effects that they created.
First, as you have read in chapter
three, I made one of the darkest moments of my life. As I’ve told you I used to
be a good student before but when I took Bachelor of Laws, everything changes.
I started to know how to drink liquor and being drunk are just normal to me.
Fighting with my drinking buddies was also ordinary and as time passes, I also
learned how to smoke. Aside from that, I’m addicted chatting with other people
from other country. In my time, a lot people are connected to Facebook. You
don’t believe that I have five accounts. One for friends who knows the real me
and the others are for the people who know my being worst. I had a lot of
friends from Luzon, Visayas, Mindanao and from all over the globe. Facebooking
consumed my time. My schedule to read for at least five (5) hours a day was
suffered. I became lazy. I just enjoyed the conversation with my friends on –
line. I also committed for an on line relationship. I have girls from other
countries who allowed their selves to be my girlfriends. Oh! Oh! Oh! I know what you are thinking right now!
But it was not for an exchange of money. It was just an experience of a long
distance relationship trying to experiment the saying that “love has no
distance”. Honestly I did not experience these during my high school days. In
fact my classmates in law school bullied me why I stocked myself from chatting.
I was old enough to do it. In addition to what they said, I am already matured
to hook my eyes, brain and hands on the computer doing this unimportant
business. Imagined, two years of my law school were spent by nothing.
Intoxicating myself with liquor also
affected my whole self. I spent so much time in drinking!!! In fact, there was
a point in my life that I cannot study without a bottle of beer in my sides.
That was really insane for me!!! I have stock of bottles of beer under my table
coz I don’t have a refrigerator. I prioritized drinking liquor than reading law
books. It means as well, I enjoyed fighting with my drinking buddies allowing
myself to injure. It was three times that my bruises were clear on my face. The
first, my classmates thought that I fell from 25 steps of our stairs because
they never thought that I could find a fight. The second bruise, they also
thought that I was held–up and as a self-defense, I fought back with the
robber. The third one, they asked me whether the bruise was caused by a
playmate during a volleyball game. Ugh!!! Everything was speculation of my
classmates. They really never thought that I am a drunkard, a poor drunkard who
could not fight back during a brawl. Hayss! I was so sad when I remember
everything that happened to me. I pity myself because I don’t have any idea why
I made those non- sense.
Another worst thing that I did was to
spend money for sex. Imagine, I paid two thousand pesos plus the rent of the
pension house just for a one night sex plus. Two thousand Pesos is a big money
for me at that time. I don’t have work. I am only a student at that time. My
benefactor had no idea with my vices. I asked money for school but the fact is,
I did not spend it for school fees nor for law books. I fraudulently disguised
that I have a lot of payments for school. This is immorality of the house of
the LORD. This is really big futile act! I never realized how hard my parents
and benefactor are working just to send money for me. Sometimes they cried
because they have a lot of debts to pay for, they are sick and they needed the
money for medicine. They prioritized my needs rather than their own needs – my
brothers needs as well. I’ve became oblivion that I also have brothers who are
studying at that moment. I forgot that there are a lot of people suffering for
hunger, malnutrition and lack of education. Yet, I became hubristic with my
head up because I am too proud that I ate this devil’s bate.
Yes! I forgot the cross! I forgot how
painful it was when Jesus hanged on the cross. I forgot the scintilla of event
on how He suffered. This would be embarrassing when I face the Lord during the
Judgment Day. Do you think God will still forgive me if I continue doing these
actions until my death? Do you think His faithfulness will allow Him to soften
His heart when I asked Him to help me as my soul is already rotten by the
devil’s pet- the evils’ worms in the hell?
(PS: Image not mine..Credit to the owner.)
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